Wednesday

Fun with the Washington D.C. Crime Blotter:


PSA 703
6/30/2003
1100 Hours
Assault With A Deadly Weapon - Knife
1500 Block EATON RD SE
CCN #03089190
C1 (BM 19YRS) REPORTS S1APPRO AND STATED, "WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?" C1 REPLIED, "I'M NOT LOOKING AT YOU." S1 THEN STRUCK C1, PROD A FOLDING KNIFE, AND CUT C1 ON THE RT FOREARM AND LEFT KNEE. S1 FLED, S1 IS UNK. TO C1. C1 TAKEN TO
GSECH.
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PSA 703
6/30/2003
100 Hours
Assault With A Deadly Weapon - Other
1100 Block EATON RD SE
CCN #03088956
{DV} C1 (BF 16YRS) REPORTS DURING A VERBAL ALTERCATION S1, HER BOYFRIEND, STRUCK HER WITH A BROOM HANDLE. S1 THEN FLED THE SCENE. S1 (BM 19YRS).
------------------------------
PSA 702
6/30/2003 300 Hours
ROBBERY - Car Jacking
2400 Block ALABAMA AVE SE
CCN #03088990
C1 (BM 34YRS) REPORTS S1 FLAGGED C1 DOWN AND ASKED HIM FOR A RIDE. S2 APPRO. DRIVERS SIDE AND STATED, "GET THE F**K OUT THE CAR." C1 COMPLIED. S1-S2 FLED THE SCENE IN C1'S VEH. UNKNOWN DIR. CAR-JACKING. DET HATHORNE NOTIFIED
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PSA 706
7/1/2003 2000 Hours
Assault With A Deadly Weapon - Knife
3700 Block 1ST ST SE
CCN #03090042
C1 reports DURING A VERBAL ALTERCATION WITH S1, A FRIEND, HE BECAME ANGRY PROD. A KNIFE AND STABBED C1 IN THE UPPER LEFT SIDE.
------------------------------
PSA 710
5/24/2003 000 Hours
Assault With A Deadly Weapon - Other
4100 Block 1ST ST SE
CCN #03069361
R1 reports FOR C1 THAT S1 ENTERED AN UNLOCKED DOOR AND BEGAN TO STRIKE C1 WITH BOTTLES, THEN BEAT C1 WITH A BASEBALL BAT. C1 TAKEN TO GWH. S1 EX-ROOMATE OF R1'S.(2D RPT,OSD SGT DAVIS NOTIFIED)
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Last but not least


The Metropolitan Police Department is seeking the public's assistance in solving the following crime:
On July 1, 2003, at approximately 9:30 pm, Metropolitan Police responded to the rear of 715 Kenyon Street, NW to investigate the report of an assault in progress. Once on the scene, officers located a male suffering from blunt force trauma to the head and body. DC Fire and Emergency Medical Services personnel were then summoned to the scene. The victim, who has not yet been positively identified, was transported to the Washington Hospital Center’s MedStar Unit, where he was pronounced dead at 10:17 pm.

These were but a few of the many offenses, of course - there were too many assaults, burglaries, auto thefts and sex abuse cases to mention. DC recently regained its title as the Murder Capital, by the way. We fuckin rule!!! We kill more mare fares per 100,000 than any other major U.S. city. We were also the only major city that actually added jobs to the economy.

There are currently no openings in my department, and I have eavesdropped on no conversation or e-mail where my death was being plotted. Sorry.

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