Monday

I have moved to a perilous, hellish place! An angry agent of god named Alberto is violently churning in the gulf, preparing to chew Florida off of mainland America. I’m going to freakin die!

Nah, actually, it’s just a little rainy here, and I’m still unemployed with only my paranoia to keep me occupied.

Yesterday I read about the Stand Your Ground Law that Florida recently enacted. It basically gives a you the right to shoot somebody dead if they give you a dirty look. I mean: I don’t know gun laws or self defense laws, but apparently, before this law was enacted, you had to at least try to run away from perceived, life threatening danger. Now, however, if somebody is coming at you, and you can convincingly make the argument that the person was going to kill you or commit a felony on you - like really mess you up - you can just stand there and blow them away. You can’t be jailed or sued. It extends the castle doctrine - which itself seemed like a step too far . . . but the castle doctrine lets you smoke somebody if they break into your home. Because surely, if somebody would break into your home, most definitely they would kill you. Lawmakers are certain of that - that a burglar or a trespasser is the exact same type of perp as a murderer or a maimer (‘maimer?’).

The Stand Your Ground Law, however, gives you even more opportunities to zap somebody. You just have to say that you feared for your life, and this thing is portable - you can cap somebody not only at home, but when you’re on the go.

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