The bald guy, the guy who became bald, wasn’t bald yesterday, but nobody asked him what happened. They were afraid to. The guy who became bald - Bob, let’s call him - he had a run in at the barber shop. Bob walked into the barber shop and sat down, and he carefully made an accounting of who was there before him and who came in after him. When he determined that it was his turn to get a haircut, Bob got up and moved toward a barber chair. A guy who came in after him spoke up, “Hey, I was here before you. I just went out to my car for a cigarette.”

“Fuck you,” Bob said. “You got out of line. I know there’s no line here - officially - but there is a line. It's understood. So fuck off, you prick.” Bob was in a bad mood a lot lately. Bob couldn’t really remember a time when he was in a good mood, like, steadily.

The guy who spoke up started to get up, and Bob immediately rushed to where the guy was rising out of his chair. Bob had the clear advantage. Bob could have knee’d the guy in the face because the guy wasn’t completely out of his chair yet. Bob figured that would have settled things right there. The guy actually did sit back down.

The guy who backed down, however, knew the barber. So when Bob sat down in the barber chair, the first thing the barber did was shave a clean, bald path right down the center of Bob’s head. Everybody in the barber shop started laughing and screaming. They all knew each other - it turned out. Bob was new in the town. Bob shoved and kicked his way out of there fast!

Bob went home and finished shaving his head. He decided he liked it. He liked it because it was honest. This is what happens to people like Bob. This is how Bob should look. This is how Bob should present himself in public.

Bob went to work Monday, and nobody asked him a goddam thing. They were all scared shitless of Bob, and the new look just heightened that sentiment.


JR's Thumbprints said...

There are certain people you should never mess with--a cook, a secretary, and a barber.

Anonymous said...

Was this barbershop in Eustis, and if yes, which one??? Just Curious, and also, which barber do I not make mad at me???