Sunday

I have had many jobs, as I have stated here before. One advantage of my transience at these various places of employment is that it gives me the opportunity to place amazing prank calls! Most of the companies I have worked for have had toll free numbers with automated switchboards. It is so easy to dial in, and find the extension of the person I’m looking to mess with, and go right into their voicemail. The people I like to prank call are, of course, jerks. That is why I do this to them. They are the kind of people who like to blare their voicemail messages on speaker phone - loud as shit every morning when they come in. So if I’m lucky, they’ll blare my crazy prank message, and not be able to get to the phone in time to disconnect - and people nearby will hear my message: I’ve got gonorrhea, you’d better get checked out soon. Or, here’s one: Hi. Yeah. You don’t know me. But until very recently, I was seeing your wife . . .

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