Today I was piecing together memories, and I realized how close I came to a particular ass whipping. I was mean to a guy, I bumped him - kind of shoved him - because I believed (correctly, it turned out) that he was doing it with my girlfriend. But, he was a black belted bad ass mofo. Luckily for me, he used his zen jedi emotion restraint techniques in dealing with me instead of using some exotic death grip. It’s easy to be all zenned out and happy and pleased with life and balanced when you’re doing somebody else’s girlfriend.

I came upon the realization of this narrowly averted disaster, as I say, by piecing together bits of memory from that time period... that time of my life was hazy - when it wasn’t incredibly foggy. I didn’t know he was a black belted, kickboxing dangerous man until well after I bumped him of course. I later kind of became friends with his friends, many of whom were kickboxin black belts (a couple of whom were also messing around with that girlfriend of mine too). They used to have these crazed hacky sack sessions around the corner from where I lived - all night - there were six or seven of these guys - I thought they were regular old stoner hippies. They were always out there hacky sackin: three, four, five in the morning - pupils so dilated, they could actually swallow hacky sacks in their eyeballs. I thought they were all peaceful, wimpy stoner hippie dudes. But they were fearsome warriors. So probably - if that guy wanted to - he could have brought his whole black belted, hacky sackin, acid tripping gang of crazies down on me with quite a fearsome fury - in effect - using me for a hacky sack. It’s just one of those times when I should have gotten my ass kicked, but I didn’t. I’m not sure why this didn’t occur to me until now. I guess I used to think I could beat up six black belts at once and I didn’t give it a thought... or maybe I did realize it back then - that it was a close call - but I forgot that I realized it, and today while I was supposed to be working, I realized it again.

How often have you come close to getting your ass kicked? Do you even know?


Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

I've been in two fights. One in seventh grade, when some kid whipped a basketball in my face. I whipped it back, and he charged me and kicked me in the stomach. I went down.

The other time was versus a huge bull of a dude. I managed to restrain him while people punched, kicked, and broke silverware over him for an hour. He didn't go unconscious. I had to let him go and drive him home. That was scary. He was had chances to kill me since, I am fortunate he hasn't. That was too close.

Les said...

Great post bro.

I got my ass kicked when I went out in the oilfield winter before last. I needed five stitches above my right eye, three under my left. Both eyes swollen shut. I got stomped with the steel toes but didn't feel nothing -- thank gawd for tequila. :)

buck savage said...

it seems almost every time i leave my house i piss someone off, you know? i'm mouthy.

but i don't know how often i've almost had my ass kicked. hasn't happened yet.

The Mighty Kat said...

I had no idea hacky sackin' was a sign of bad ass. Does that mean the yo-yo was too, to previous generations?

I love the labels you put on this post. Your readership will spike with labels like these, I predict.

Bobby said...

The oilsands, Les? Wow.

Buck, you need to be pissin some people off via blog! Get to work!

Nothing says tough guy like hacky sack. And the yo yo is just a warning sign that the person is good with num chucks or however you spell it.

m said...

When I was a kid and lived in tough neigborhoods, I was beat up a few times.

I never backed down from a fight and would jump in to defend my sibilings or friends. I was small and a girl so most people wouldn't fight me. So, I escaped some childhood ass-kickings.
As an adult, I avoid all life situations which might entail asses and kicking in the same sentence.