Wednesday

EATING MY OWN REALITY FOR LUNCH (or was it breakfast)



You can’t leave home without checking the oven three times. Did you turn it off? Did you unplug the iron? You have to check your alarm clock four times so you don’t sleep late. And when you do leave: Did you lock the door to your place before you left for the day? You should probably drive home right now and check. Because there might be a burglar there now - stealing your stuff - because you left the door wide open. Maybe he’ll turn off your oven for you. Maybe he’ll unplug your iron too (so he can steal it).

What you are really doing is ruining your grasp of reality. As you convince yourself that: no, you did not lock the door, the very door that you just saw your own hands lock, or, no, you did not just check the oven already and see that the switches were all turned to ‘Off’ position, and you didn’t even use the oven this morning anyway, nor did you use it last night, and so most likely, the oven has not been on for two days straight just cooking nothing, approaching critical mass, preparing to burst your whole home into an inferno. Probably not.

The more you do this weirdo obsessive shit (these things are symptoms of a greater mental problem, incidentally), the weaker your grasp on reality becomes - The more easy it is for paranoia to completely permeate your consciousness... and soon you don’t even live in the real world - and you erase pieces of memory and so you don’t know where the hell you are in your timeline... Soon you’ll be doubting whether you did anything at all - and then it’ll be time to just have a seat on the sidewalk and wait for the help (that you need) to arrive. I realized the danger of this reality eating condition today - I was adding long columns of numbers, and I kept going back, “Did I add this one?” “Did I add this one?” Yes, I had, but I thought, “No,” I hadn’t, so it was sucking off all of my time and stealing my memory of reality or blotting it out.

6 comments:

Les said...

There's a name for what you describe Bobby. Cognitive Displaysia.

cognitive displaysia (n): the feeling you have before you even leave the house that you are going to forget something and not remember it until you're on the highway

Bobby said...

Is that in the DSM3? Or are they up to a DSM4 or 5 by now? I swear, they just make up new diseases to sell more DSM volumes.

m said...

i have that problem.

but i also have short term memory issues so i often forget what i have been obssessing about....so i am an unsuccessful ocd sufferer.

i feel like a failure.

joe said...

back when i used to live in boston i used to walk down about a 1/4 mile to the train each morning. parked right by the station every day was this motherfucker with a bumpersticker that read "i think you left the stove on".

bastard.

JR's Thumbprints said...

I've shampooed my hair only to forget that I've shampooed my hair. Once I'm lathering up a second time, I see shampoo near the drain. I think it has to do with my mind being preoccupied, and not concentrating on the task at hand.

Bobby said...

-I do that too JR. It makes my scalp itch.

-Playing on people's fears, that's messed up. Nothing a well tossed egg couldn't clear up though, right Joe?

-You would think that if you're unsuccessful at suffering from a disorder, you would then be normal by default. But there's probably another disorder there somewhere...