1. What would your cat do about it if a bear broke down your front door?
2. New employees are nice to me until they realize how low on the org chart I am here. Then they ignore me. Then I start mumbling shit.
3. The other night I was driving through this remote area, a wildlife refuge. You never see anybody walking out there, but suddenly I saw a guy walking next to the road. My headlights hit him weird through the fog - he appeared to be glowing. “Wow, a ghost,” I mumbled. I rounded this bend in the road, and there were ambulances and fire engines and cops and twisted up cars next to the road.
4. I went to the Fountain of Youth in St. Augustine, Florida. The water does not gush out of the ground anymore. The water table is too low. The water has to be pumped out. It tastes horrible. It’s probably got lead or radon or argon or nitrates whatever in it. It will probably decrease my lifespan.