Life story vampire


Is there some pill I can take?


There’s too much to write about lately – I mean – with the Margaritas and the fireworks and the visits from the Eustis Police Department, so I’ll just tell you about this dream I had: I was at a Self Help Seminar and everything was making sense, but suddenly I found myself expelled from the proceedings – or maybe I graduated – but the next thing I knew, I was doing construction work to the very Convention Center where I had just attended the Self Help Seminar. The Motivational Speaker at the seminar – the guy who had so motivated me during the earlier proceedings – he stepped outside, and the last thing he said to me - before he fired me - was about my handiwork, “You’ll be lucky if that doesn’t cause an earthquake when it falls!”


I know that there are harder jobs out there than mine – obviously. But right now, my job is pretty hard. I have 386 unread emails. I got baskets full of hard mail. My phone’s blinking. Half the department is out sick or with sick pets or sick cars or sick something. I got knucklehead suckas from other departments just – POOF –appearing in my cubie – sometimes more than one at a time – as though they were freakin beamed down by Scottie. They just appear. I turn around and they’re there. I don’t even have time to take the music hoses out of my ears: “Robert, we need this and this and this and this – and we’re kinda pissed and the customer’s pissed that you haven’t already done it and blah blah blah.” …people from other departments come to me because customers and members and applicants and candidates are doing the End Run around our department’s channels of communication. My phone is currently forwarded. I got a two week turn around on all items sent to me. Which ain't good enough apparently. I’m pretty sure I can’t hang on in this position long. I’ll probably get fired - at which time I will peacefully gather my things and get up and walk out – happily. All of this for some reason makes me think about this: NASA will send teachers into space . . . and doctors, and shit – they’ll even send a monkey into space – but they’ll never send an administrator like me into space. Ain’t they got paperwork on that shuttle? I’d rather be in space than here, is what I’m sayin basically.


Spotted your co-worker's photo at a porn site?


never too late to stop yelling
photocopied wisdom used on neighbors


...kicking off my slutty phase...