Chaos doesn't exactly rule where I work, I mean: chaos doesn't rule outright, chaos is more like a cranky supervisor with life issues, uneven attendance and considerable (though inexplicable) influence.

Often there doesn't seem to be a rule, so I take my own direction. Then I discover that there was, in fact, a rule - that I was supposed to be doing a thing a certain way - a different way than I had been doing it. And I realize that huge blocks of work I'd just done - and maybe even some blocks I'd done further in the past - were no longer holding up. And now the floor is shaking. And people are...talking about me...severely.

When I moved into the department, I definitely sensed animosity. I don't think it was all directed at me, I mean: I was new - how could they hate me so soon? Well, it turns out that this was entirely possible. In fact, it's possible to be hated on sight! My supervisor hated my guts almost immediately. I think she was forced into accepting me into the department - you know: I was tempin in another department...silent, sullen weirdo blah blah...but he works hard as hell...just keeps head down and works...makes some mistakes...but he works...whatever...

I think my supervisor was at odds with a lot of the people already, before I ever came along. So when I came along, it gave everybody a direction to target their hate. So instead of hating each other, they were able to unite under the common cause of HATING ME. So I was able to help out and unite the team!


Because I'm so excited about having seen Billy Collins, I'm posting this video from You Tube. It's an animated poem. This poem is in Billy Collins' book Nine Horses. There are a few of these videos on You Tube.


Today I saw Billy Collins read at Valencia Community College's Kerouac Festival. I bought his book, and after his reading, I got in line so he could sign it. As I got closer to the table for my turn with him, I started to get nervous, really nervous for some reason. What am I going to say to this guy? He was the Poet freakin Laureate for Christ's sake. So when I got up to the table, I just said, "Bobby."

I don't know whether he even asked for my name. He opened the copy of the book I bought and turned to the page he would sign, and he started to sign. He said how do you do or something as he was writing, and then he started to say something else, and I blurted out, "Can you write something sexy in there? Ha ha." And then he started to say something else, but before he could finish that I asked, "What's next? Disney?" I live near Orlando, see, the reading took place just outside Orlando, or maybe that is Orlando out there.

He started to say one last thing, and I cut him off yet again and said "Well I heard that! Thanks man." And I grabbed the book he'd signed and walked away.

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In other developments, you absolutely have to watch the documentary called PROTAGONIST. It will change things for you.


You're in my shot there, Smiley.

You can just tell he wanted to grab that thing and start crankin away.


Every time I feel a negative emotion lately: anger, sadness, embarrassment, whatever - I feel some area of my guts burning, or I get a serious head ache. I feel some kind of chemical squirting into my guts from some duct somewhere, and it gives me this stinging tingle feeling. Or my spinal column buzzes. Or I get a feeling like a balloon suddenly deflating in the center of my chest. There is nothing that I face in my work day that should be causing this kind of stress, these kinds of feelings. My life isn't really that stressful.

Maybe I'm supposed to be in a more stressful situation, not my cozy little cubicle comfort zone. Maybe I'm geared for something a little more...trying. I should find a setting that matches my temperament. I've been reading in the Occupational Outlook Handbook about social work. A lady at work use to do social work. She majored in sociology, and then she became a social worker. But now, she's like screw that, and she works in the finance department of the organization where I work. I think I'll ask her more about social work.

# # #

This morning we stepped outside, and a hot air balloon was floating by. I waved. A good start to a Saturday. It's going to be nice today, I heard.

Clouds completely covered the sky except for one perfectly round opening. The cloud cover was thick, looking up through this one opening in this thick cloud cover was like looking into a tunnel. Two stars were visible in there. One was dim the other was bright. So what does that mean?