Wednesday

Your twenties versus thirties: A continuation of a great conversation developing in the comments window below.

One thing that did seem to change from my twenties to my thirties: I seemed to gain credibility. I'm not sure why. I honestly don’t feel any wiser. Maybe it's because I look older. Or maybe it's because I am a lot more likely to admit it when I don't know. I doubt that I am any wiser. That simply can't be it. Maybe I learned how to be more convincing. Maybe I seem more confident. Maybe I was full of you know what back then and it was obvious to any observer.

My twenties were tough: A lot more of the back breaking and teeth grinding and stress - a lot of it unnecessary. I had anxiety that felt like physical pain - like I was on fire or something.

I felt like I had to prove myself all of the time in my twenties. I felt the need to TRY to fit in everywhere. Instead of finding a situation that suited me, I tried to suit myself to the situations I encountered.

I don't know. I guess I have enjoyed my thirties more, but I have gotten a little lonely. I lost touch with a lot of the friends I had from my college days and my partying days. I don’t go out much anymore. I’m somewhat content with that, but sometimes I do get a little lonely - sometimes you just want to be rowdy with a crowd of people who know you and all that stuff. My thirties are definitely more chill.

I guess I am in my element - a lot more aware of who I am and what I want out of life. I’ve learned how to give myself a break from the demons and the neuroses and the guilt and the regret and a lot of that stuff.

I don’t know. Maybe I just off-loaded one crew of demons just so another crew of demons could climb onboard.

15 comments:

~The Mighty Kat~ said...

it's uncanny how much i relate to this.

lluviation said...
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lluviation said...
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Pacian said...

I spent my thirties on a moonbase in the future.

Bobby said...

Are comments getting gobbled up somehow? Wha happen?

If you can relate to this, either I should feel better or you should feel ...

Last time I went to the moon, they had canceled my reservation.

lluviation said...

um, sorry that was me. i wrote something late at night or early in the morning, that was about as long as your post. i reread it later, thought i was an idiot , so i deleted the two posts i had posted.

PoisOn CoAtEd ELiXir said...

in most parts i am your twenties and your thirties well blended in a coffee machine.
however, it seems i'm more of your thirties despite being in my twenties.
If i'll be your thirties when i'm in my thirties, i guess it would be a huge waste of time and space. so heres another reason why i feel that i would not live beyond my mid-life(read twenties)!

Bobby said...

Iluviation: The higher the word count the better!

Poison: From what I've seen second hand of the forties, I'm hoping for the fifties next

joe ego said...

hey bobby,
i'm still lurking around... just got nothing to write these days. i think the thirties are pretty much just like this. recovery from our twenties; trying to figure where next. hang in there man.
joe

lluviation said...

i read a report that your 40s is actually the worst time in your life. but that is a few years away...i really think it is all about how you handle it, but i've seen it go both ways with people in their 40s. you don't seem typical, so perhaps they will be better...maybe?? i don't like the idea of a yucky decade looming ahead. i know i will just spend the next 10 and half years freaking out a but that...

Bobby said...

Hey Joe! Great to see you man! I actually met Mott Cromby - he came down here to Orlando area. We got some beers and shto the shti.

Man - You gotta start writing again - anything man - do that automatic writing thing: just whatever comes to mind, keep writing it, every word that enters your head - write it - keep it up for many minutes. Then take that and rework it and rework it and rework it. If you're like me, you'll end up throwing most of it in the trash and wanting to destroy your computer. But some gems pop up out of nowhere - stuff you feel really really good about. How's your art doing?

Iluviation: When I'm 77, you'll be 70. Think of it! Our blog archives will be like rolling off the screen onto the floor down the hall!

I think I could more effectively divide my life into five year portions for scrutiny's sake - half decades. Because my early twenties were way different from my late twenties. Same with my thirties, early and late.

Like my early 70's will be all about rebellion, and when I hit like 76 I'll be like conforming to the man and stuff.

lluviation said...

cute...i've already planned out my 70s (if i'm that lucky to make it there). i want to move to italy, get fat, have a little bun on my head, wear knee high socks with orthopedic shoes, and little grandma dresses...even if i'm not a grandma. i'll spend my free time eating, shooing away pigeons, and complaining about the youth (those young kids in their 50s).
i've also already collected several friends who are willing to sit on porches with me to watch everyone go by while we complain.
i will be in my element.
and maybe get that doctorate i don't have the patience for right now.

joe said...

hey man,
shoot, the writing is just gone to crap right now. i'm just barely trying to resurrect the art these days (my first passion). been through a tough stretch over the past year or so, but trying to pull it together now. send me your new address and i'll shoot you some art. and some snow. damn new england...
joe

lluviation said...

now i want to know what sort of art you both are talking about....

joe said...

il, it is @ j carton dot com

'course you need to show some of your own now work too. :)