Tuesday

All of this reading I'm doing lately about peace of mind and mental health and anxiety and anger - it shakes the crazies loose in my head. As I work all this stuff out...tracing things to their proper origins...reframing things...making discoveries...because of these things I'm trying to do: I have had some real grouchy moments lately and some real panic-ridden moments...I guess it was panic...maybe it was heightened confusion or...just these anomalous knots...or something...some kind of crazies being exercised out, rooted out, weed whacked - - it's like pushing your lawn mower back and forth over a crazy person's daily art diary - and all that crazy confetti shoots out. As I try to untangle my brains, some odd feelings spring out.

But: I have passed some tests lately too: I've also let some irksome or possibly volatile things slide on off of a seamless slickness of cool-headed chillness. So, there's some good and some bad. I'm working toward that mostly good state.

Sometimes I just ask myself: Am I getting worse or am I getting better?

A lot of it is choice. Do I want to make peace and be content with my current situation? Or do I want to struggle for a better situation? What's better? Who knows? Can I be happy realtime as I try for that overall happiness?

In that anger book I read, it said that if you're not acknowledging your emotions for what they truly are, you can ruin your creativity. I don't want that.

Now then: Let's turn our attention to our breathing. Your mind may wander from this meditation. It's okay. Just gently guide your attentions back. Right here. You will hear things in your surroundings. You will sense things. It's okay. Thoughts will come, they will occupy your consciousness. Don't hold on to them. Let them come and let them go. Let go. Just let go....and all that.

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