Four Day Weekend

I have no plans. I'm feeling good though. I had a very cleansing one-on-one meeting with the boss, and I presented some grievances and some were presented against me. I’m not sociable enough, she said, I’m not a team player. I pointed out the difference between team player and sociable, and it turned into a sociology debate and then a point by point discussion about what sucks about everybody, and then I asked about new positions opening up in our branch of the org chart...and before we realized it, we had been in that room for two and a half hours. We came out of there laughing.

I want to be a better person.

But I worry I’ll turn into the opposite of a writer. If you’re constantly letting things go (the meditation mantra or whatever, “Let go” “letting go”) . . . if you’re constantly letting go, how do you record anything? That’s what writers do (wannabe writers too)’re recording everything.

I guess you record it and then let it go.

I heard a real writer say that once you write it, it’s gone. So maybe that's true - by writing it, you let it go. When you’re writing it, you’re trying to pull pieces of the memory from the past to the present, and you’re assembling the pieces, and soon this thing you’re assembling becomes the new form of it, the new reality of it - - so instead of having an undesirable memory, what you have is this thing you’ve written.

I don’t know if that’s right or if that’s just poetry...I heard some writer say it on NPR. it being poetry, maybe it’s righter than right could possibly be, righter than words could ever say. Maybe by writing it, and writing it out successfully, you have beaten it.


billy said...

record record record is all we do. then we bawl.

Michael said...

Billy- well said.

I get accused of that sometimes- not a team player, too mean, too serious. To which I usually respond, I'm working, not playing.

I don't know how to get rid of it. I have a story that has been haunting me for about a decade. I still hope that, if I ever get it down right and properly and true, I can stop thinking about it. It hasn't happened yet.

If you want, follow me on twitter and ill do the same. @spudrph

dan said...

some shit you write and it's like you wiped and flushed it - maybe someday some scuba diver will find it in the ocean but you'll never see it again. Some writing is like a tattoo - it's been in your mind till you make it part of your skin and every person who meets you will sense those thoughts because once articulated they are irrevocable. But I find that most of my writing is like writing. I put it down and after a while I look at it and sometimes it needs tweaking, or something can be crossed out, or it all needs to be rewritten - it's never finished, because *I* am never finished. If I could stop thinking I'd be able to put a period at the end of the last sentence of the last chapter and be done with it. But I can't. Or maybe, more to the point, I don't.

I have never been on a team. Even in my office I feel left out. It's nearly 3 pm and almost no one has spoken to me. They think I know what I'm doing and don't need help. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.

Bobby said...


I was a jerk to you, Dan.

I'm sorry about that.

whimsical brainpan said...

I know for me that I am writing my book in hopes that it will help me heal.

As far as "letting go"...

I like how my therapist put it once, "You don't let go of things, they let go of you when they have served their purpose and it is time."

Bobby said...

That's some serious wisdom, W.B.