Thursday



I haven't really had any serious trauma in my life (everybody has deaths in their families, I've had those (maybe a little more than my share in the last ten years, but...)) - maybe no more than usual - not really.

I mean: My childhood was not too horrible...not really...there was a hell of a lot of yelling and screaming. I did not actually see violence (I was the youngest, I guess they kept it in the other room), I heard some scary banging and bouncing around, and people said there was violence. Some. Not constant. Not really that often. I think. I didn't see it. It was there. I was scared by it, but I don't think I had an experience that was all that traumatic.

People who have had trauma - they are certainly more aware of their trauma than I am of my minor scares and fears. Maybe people with real trauma are more likely to take action to move toward healing than somebody like me with low grade misery in my past. I'm less likely to address my problems because I really didn't realize there were problems. But there were. There are. I grew up in a really angry freakin home. There was a lot of love too, don't get me wrong. But all that anger...sheesh. I gotta try and shake that shit.

3 comments:

lluviation said...

i'm not sure you are right about the low grade thing. i think it is more how you approach life and deal with things overall. i know of people who have had major trauma and never really did anything about healing. just kind of don't think about it. on the flip side things there are those who over compensate for any little problem in their lives/childhood.

but i think you are on the right track. some people, many, maybe most?, never deal with anything. they just kind of skid through life, wondering why things are never quite right.

whimsical brainpan said...

"I'm less likely to address my problems because I really didn't realize there were problems. But there were."

You just did. Now you have no more excuses. ;-)

Also it seems to me as if you do want to deal with it. It'll happen in it's own time.

Bobby said...

At first I didn't want to open all this up on my blog...but what better place, you know? Especially when I'm hooked up to people who can relate out here on the internets.