Yesterday I didn’t have to work, so I went to two book stores and two libraries. As I poked around the county slowly, I got beeped at and scowled at too...and I started to wonder whether all of my human interactions from this day forward would be negative or devoid of value. Generally, strangers feel no need to be nice to you. If the majority of your human contact is with strangers (or coworkers), you’re just not getting the best out of humanity.
I need more positive interactions. I need more friends! The amount of friends that I have (on average) has steadily declined since college. Friends are obligated to be nice to you. Even when they’re giving you shit - what they’re doing - is being nice to you. Yes: Punch me in the stomach. Yes: Throw a slinky into the fan belt of my car.
Yep, I was in a pretty bad funk yesterday. But really, it’s been all week. Maybe a factor in this funk is that holiday depression you hear so much about - which will be especially acute this year because I’m not headed home.
Home is here now...I guess. The place I used to call home is just a place where a few family members live. The rest of the family has scattered to other states. Maybe the depressing thing is that I don’t have a concrete definition of home.
Oh well. I guess I should just keep a few things in mind:
1. Do I want to spend all of my hours and minutes and days in a bad mood? No.
Should I just let go of the bad stuff? Yes.
2. Are the holidays supposed to be like the ones you see in TV commercials? Maybe. But probably not.
3. Can I treat everybody with compassion? Even the ones who act like jerkoffs? Yes. Maybe. It’s hard. Maybe I can.
4. Maybe being compassionate sometimes means walking by without saying a thing - sometimes strangers don’t want to be dragged out of their shells.