Sunday

In these times, it seems like we have to look within and improve within and find rewards within. There is no slack in the market. There is no fat in the workforce. There is none of that ‘just skating by’ stuff. All those gigs where you just surf the internet all day and don’t do shit (many of these gigs: I have worked in them, they did in fact exist) -but- I bet they’ve mostly dried up, because the market is so tight. Moreover, everybody has been knocked down a few pegs below where they believe they should be, knocked down from where they were back in the hyped up, greedy delusion days. Now everybody’s real and in their real place. There’s nothing you can do but get sharper, more knowledgeable, wiser, more mindful. What else is there to do? There’s no room out in the world for your ‘growth,’ so you have to expand within. Within your own world. This is how it seems to me. Improve yourself, the world ain’t gonna give it to you.


In the department I work in, half the people are taking classes: accounting, tech, medical, somethin...


I don’t know. It seems like all the delusions are crashing down, the house of cards built up so flimsy, built with weak dollars and air - it’s crashing down. There’s nothing left to take out there. You’ve got to make the most with what you’ve already got. If you don’t have anything, you’ve got to build it from within. Develop your inner world. Expand your inner self. It sounds corny, but it’s true. It would definitely have sounded corny to somebody three or four years ago. A lot of the clichés are starting to mean something again.

Some things about my lifestyle have not changed, in reality. I live about the same way I used to live. The difference for me is I have been forced to work much harder in order to hang on to the job I’m lucky enough to have. Another difference for me is that there is no promise of a big salary had easy by just ‘lasting’ somewhere. A few years ago, it seemed you would be guaranteed an upward path if you just held out. Now, no, not really. Another difference for me now is that the wife and I might want to try to have a kid. So I absolutely have to fight off my back and claw my way into a better position. I mean: I do and I don’t. I really think I should. It’s hard to explain: I could just leave my life the way it is and just barely scrape by and have a kid and buy K-Mart clothes for the kid that will get the kid’s ass kicked in school. Or I could at least improve my situation a little bit and give the kid about an average existence and average stuff. But, the ‘average’ – the middle – the middle class - - it’s disappearing. People are falling on one or the other side of the fault line, rich or poor. And now this nonsense I’m typing here is really dissolving into nonsense and I’m not sure what the hell I’m talking about. The Plan: Learn some tech. Get a tech job. Get a tech salary – not a huge one – an average tech salary. Have a kid and all of the triumphs and traumas and dramas and fantastic things and love involved with that…and…also…reconnect with other branches of the family. Restart the writing business (beyond just leaving hand scratched notes in public places, which I still do do.) Get back to not caring about money…because there will be enough of it. I've never really been a Material Girl, you know what I mean? Never had a fancy car, fancy this fancy that. And it's not that I'm some 'deep dude' who's a minimalist or an ascetic or whatever. I think I just need to be somewhere in the middle with most people...unless the middle ground opens up and swallows us all up...