Wednesday

  • Sometimes you gotta concentrate on the words flying out of the person's face, not the look on the person's face. Sometimes it's the other way around though.
  • "The season of failure is the best time for sowing the seeds of success." Paramahansa Yogananda
  • How can you tell whether you are doing all that you can? Is it supposed to hurt or something?
  • There is always some part of your mind that resists...whatever you are doing...just for the sake of resisting.

Friday

1. I'm not sleeping enough.

2. I don't mind not sleeping, it makes me tingle.

3. New paths and projects are opening up!

4. Mondays and Tuesdays are rough, but the rest of the week is grand.

5. My fire ant bites are in the itchy phase.

6. It was very humid when I walked out today, I gasped.

7. I love people! (I was wonderin for a while there).

8. I'm letting other people do more of the talkin.

9. I'm waiting for a friend to get here. There's a life changing movie I have to see.

10. I gotta get back to work learning some tech. The spring semester ended a while ago.

11. I will once again post this quote: To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders. --Lao Tzu

12. I can't believe it, but sometimes my mind does get pretty still.

13. Somebody's knocking.

Monday

Confused blogger locks down blogs and deletes mass postings.

Saturday

I still listen to this episode of Radio Freetown with DJ Franc O from WFMU

Here are his other his other playlists.


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Wednesday

Working hard! Learning lots! Writing stuff down! Meeting people! Running around all over town doing everything I can. I figured out a problem today, a work thing - it had been dogging me a while. I had it working just right and looking just right, and then poof, it disappeared. Scattered into the memory vapors. I mean, it's there, I see it in a list, but it won't display. Funny. I'll get it tomorrow I guess. Clickitty click. What I'm working on is nada nothing compared to what some of the others are working on. But I'm steadily cramming stuff into my brains faster than it leaks out. I have to keep some heart and soul *or* lose all traces of self. Not sure which, and that's a pretty big question. It's both, the words are just failing here, just like most times. Empty the good empty. Lose self in the big what. Be a noble nothing-everything. Don't know what I'm going on about. I guess there's a balance that is just right for you and an even lesser one for me. What is pure self indulgence vs. what is useful accounts... what is helping vs. what is just uselessly taking up bits and bites...what am I fixing, what am I breaking...am I doing either really...or just movin around...lost in the flow...lost real good..

Monday

In my continued efforts to get myself calm and peaceful, I have devised the following strategy for total relaxation which I will rush into implementation today. At certain random points throughout the day, with no announcement or warning to anyone, I will completely freeze. I will not move at all, I won't talk. I will not even blink. My eyes will remained fixed on that last thing they were fixed on before the freeze. I will remain in this statue-like state for five minutes or so. It will not matter what task or setting is at hand. It will not matter who is around. This strategy I have devised and the motivation for it are too important to worry about peripherals. On the first day, I will go into these sudden states of freeze approximately 40 times. I will then assess the situation and determine the frequency of my freezes in future days.

Sunday


...politely informed that I may be creepin people out...(by the voices in my head)

Saturday

CAN'T CONCENTRATE


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I am supposed to be studying, but I can't concentrate. I'm feeling a feeling - excited, agitated, exuberant, scared, anxious anxiety - over moving from my current home to my new home. My new home will be much different. I am very used to my current home (pictured above, somewhere), been here 4 years.

Without getting into the wannabe sociologist thing, I'll say this about the differences between my current home and my new home:

Current home: rural, wide open spaces, 56:43 McCain over Obama, lots of pickup trucks, lots of cows, one Starbucks (5 miles away in a Target dept store), the inevitable internal combustion engine- V8 or Harley powerplant being the only occasional sound howling at the night other than strange unidentified animals and a whole lotta nothing nada, crickets...considered part of Greater Orlando You're either on speakin terms with your neighbors or you're not, basically, it seems...and there may or may not be a reason neither...other than the fact that they drive an F-150 and you (me) drives a Toyota Corolla.

New home: more metro, more dense, 51:48 McCain over Obama (but still...), no cows, 7 Starbucks within 5 miles, TONS OF TRAFFIC, tons of retail, tons of residential, diverse age-wise and otherwise, also considered part of Greater Orlando Lots of Toyota Corollas puttin around!!


Waaaay different. But in a way, not. I will like my new home muuuuuch better, obviously. But even if I was moving to a perfect place I would have this scared, chills, anxiety, distracted feeling. It's the move that's freaking me out, I think. I requested 4 days off from work to get this done. (I worried that I asked for too many days...). More planning than freakin D-Day maaaan. I already know where I'll drink once I move there and how long it'll take to walk home.

Shunryu Suzuki Roshi