There are a zillion things I want to blog about, but I hesitate. I hesitate for reasons that you probably are aware of if you have a blog. There's so much that's happened lately in my life lately, but I haven't posted about it.

The main thing is: A guy I knew killed himself. This happened a while ago, but I didn't want to say anything (not here) for various reasons.

You never know what kind of struggles are going on inside a person.

When I heard what happened, I went through a lot of emotions, a lot of depression, a bit of anger, a lot of guilt. What if I had asked the guy, "Hey man, lets go get a beer or something." But.

The guy was very skillful and cool. Very quiet though. He was a sneak smoker, kind of hanging back in the shadows when he smoked. I think he was on and off trying to quit like I am. (I'm smoking so stupid...slowly killing myself.)

The guy would catch me off guard and say something screamingly funny...out of nowhere. He had lots of heart and spirit. Others sensed he was kind of redlined out. He could be pretty caustic, dismissive. Angry. I didn't know him long enough to know what his baseline was, though. 'Is this how this guy is all the time? Or is he going through something?'

First I heard that he disappeared. I thought he had just given Florida the finger and he bounced - without leaving a forwarding address or messages. Some time later though, I found out he had taken his own life. Hearing that caused lots of crying and shock.

There seemed to be a lot of parallels between this guy and me. I've never considered suicide, I've seen images of suicide happening. I don't summon these images. I'd never act on them. I've always said it: I'm too curious (maybe morbidly so sometimes)...too curious to see what will happen. And I have a lot of hope for mankind and for me and for me as part of mankind.

I guess the best you can do: Is do the best you can do to be kind and inviting and inclusive of anybody, no matter how dismissive or cold or taciturn or whatever they seem. Give them an invitation, and keep it an open invitation: Invite them to keep going and join in with the rest of the world, even if it's through the tiny gateway you as an individual can provide. Don't respond with coldness. Don't respond with bitterness. Keep an open door. Give them an option, give them every opportunity to connect and stay with us if they can.

1 comment:

Cupcake Man said...

missed you bobby. this is very nice. so sorry about your fried