Still churnin this stuff out
braver than Burger King.


35 More Years I Guess

The life expectancy for an American male is about 76 years now. So I have another 35 years if things go according to averages. In order to get some perspective, for a good comparison, I tried to think back 35 years - to get a feel for this amount of time. Just for fun. Because I have the day off and I have time today to do this.

Really though I should probably face the fact that I could die any time before or after the 'another-35-year-mark' ...and live my life my life like 'each day is the last' (blah, corny wishy washy horse shit which is true actually, - - 'every day is a gift,' he whimpered, an angelic chorus rising behind him)...sniff...So. ALIVE AND LIVING: not necessarily taking a 23-mile supersonic skydive -but- I should live each day in some kind of a great way...

Anyway: 35 years ago: I actually looked up the the year -- on wikipedia: 1977 ...I don't really remember much from then. And this is good. This should mean that 35 years into the future should seem like a pretty distant conclusion (if that's how it works out) - - because 35 years into the past is barely recollectable.

1977: The only items that I remember from this wikipedia entry:

I remember there being some new weird machine called a Commodore and another called an Apple.
I remember that Jimmy Carter succeeded Gerald Ford as President.
I remember Roots.
I remember there being a new cool spaceship I mean space shuttle.
I remember somebody saying Uranus had rings like Saturn.
I remember my dad watching Luciano Pavarotti on PBS I think.
I remember the Clash blowing up.
Star Wars.
Elvis died.
Members of Lynard Skynard died.

I don't remember much out of that year. I guess 35 years into the future is a 'good amount of time' to have left.


I read and hear a lot of advice about letting go of the stories of the mind, letting go of of this bundle of history we see as our identity. I love my stories a lot though! I used to tell em on this blog all the friggin time. I love my identity way less...but I still cling to it, with a cold dead kryptonite lock. But I guess it's all gotta go, the wise men and wise WOmen say so. This clinging to stories and the clinging to these dopey ideas of self should probably go too, that clinging - it's gotta go. What exactly should stay? Nothing? All of it - let it go - let it flow. I don't know if I'll ever get this spirit thing right or if I should even keep trying. Trying and clinging are the same kind of clinging maybe. I get snagged in a lot of these word tangles. Every thought has a counter thought. Every thought is its own counter thought, because if you let it wind out long enough, it circles back around and bites its own butt like some dumb snake. It's fun trying to figure it out though - finding my balance, my particular blend - it's fun watching what my mind does. Or am I still deriving 'fun' from some kind of struggle. Questioning everything. Until my mind puts the toys down and gets still. Some say a still mind is IT:

To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders. Lao Tzu

This guy says it's just another state

Lots of word tangles. Lots of thinkers thinking or trying not to think.

It's really easy to get carried away with all this stuff.


How to Accept this Moment? - Jeff Foster

Apparently, you are a wide open space. No offense.

If there are words that can be used for it, the words: 'waves on the ocean' seem to fit. You're either an ocean or you are a wide open space or you are everything. Apparently. Acceptance - very important. This thing you are witnessing, this experience (bad or good) is appearing - the 'universe' is allowing it...might as well accept it...all of it. Deep acceptance.

"What you are has already said 'yes' to these thoughts, these sensations, these feelings...even this pain...." --Jeff Foster