Tuesday

A lot of this spiritual stuff seems like bullshit. Moreover, at times, it seems to lead to a drone-like state. It would lead to a drone-like state either because it's bullshit, or I can only reach a mediocre level of success at it, like in many of my endeavors. Halfway up the ladder of spirituality (which is where I'd likely end up) - halfway to spiritual is drone.

Yes, I've managed to alleviate a lot of the sad/mad stuff swirling in my head - or accept it. But, there is a 'but.' A big 'But' - with a capital 'B' and a big butt. It doesn't seem real or possible sometimes - to reach this hyped, maybe bogus, probably bogus state of bliss. 'Enlightenment' - the ultimate, the coveted, the black belt, the force, ...a lot of people say they're there. That it is where everybody needs to be.

Maybe I'll turn this blog into Bobby's Spirituality Myth Bustin Blog.

There are a zillion saucy and delicious and decadent and dramatic things I could tell ya about! Right here! Love, sex, family drama, interpersonal drama, strife, CRAVING, SUFFERING.

You know what else? There is so variation and disagreement among 'Spiritual Leaders' - how could any of them have it right? If they're all 'authorities,' and they all disagree on such fundamental stuff...how could you find any 'truth' in any of it? I'm supposed to pick what makes sense to me and piece together my own 'thing' and rock it like a rocket?

Well now: that's the challenge. That's the choice. Or, don't - don't even bother. Take it or leave it. Continue with your stories: Three heartbreaks since the big heartbreak, one of which I inflicted on somebody else. A spin-out! Interpersonal conflicts/mental games with the various. Occupational difficulty/despair. Wild parties. Not so wild parties. A dude sitting here right now in a holey undershirt wearing a cheapo bead necklace and jeans that are too big now. Old technology. Paychecks that race out of the gate. Really long drives. Really long walks. LUST. I ain't jokin, lust. I wish there was a pill. Lack of physical fitness. Signs of aging. Hilarity. The urge to write. The urge to write notes (STILL) and leave them where I think people will find them. Meeting new people. Meditation sessions. Throate Lock: Disrupting a meditation session with a massive fit of coughing and walking out. Tolerance. Distance.

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