Now and then, I think this: Man, my thoughts are stupid. And, maybe this realization is leading to a better 'quality' of thinking. But it's all just thinking. I am trusting my mind less and less (again) so that I can trust my mind more.

When I sit and consider what I'm thinking, when I first focus my attention on the thoughts I'm thinking, right away, a space opens up with nothing in it. It's empty. So then I rewind, I think back to what I was thinking before the space. Then I realize: This is too much thinking.

Thoughts come, and I don't shoo them away right away. I let em come. But if enough stupid thoughts come, I go, damn, these thoughts are stupid.

I don't know what to think. So I should probably do less thinking.

I wake up early, and I usually lay there for a while, trying for more sleep. I don't really have my good thinking cap on yet - my 'thought detector.' So the thoughts that come during that time are stupid and negative and ancient (ancient to this moment).

If the thoughts really keep the hooks in me - they won't let go - I won't let go - I think about my feet or something. The air on my skin.

It's fun, though, sometimes, to make fun of my thoughts. I realize where my mind goes during certain situations, and it's a goddam trip. It's enough to fill ten seasons of comedy sitcoms.

1 comment:

NoRegrets said...

So start writing!