By now you've realized that I have been brainwashed by lots of spiritual books and videos, and I am no longer the same person. I have been convinced that thinking is bad, and therefore I have decided to avoid it. I mean, I have a certain level of comfort and luxury that I desire: four walls, a roof, air conditioning, electricity, data, beer, cigarettes...in order to maintain these comforts, I have to play at this 'Bobby thing' somewhat - and do enough thinking to maintain this threshold. But other than that, thinkin is bad.
I don't know.
I used to have a lot of 'fun' thinking. I would chase a thought all the way to whatever hole it took me down...and that chase was so amusing.
The writer pipe dream is all about thinking. It's all about fantasy and ego - the fantasy of one day becoming a writer - putting aside any prospect of success in anything else to the pipe dream...making errors at work and fighting the flow of life so that I could be far away in my head.
Maybe there's a level or realm of thought that is actually worth it though. This is the existence question and this is the writer's question: What is worth thinking about? I used to obsess or ruminate or whatever about some pretty trivial troubles. Troubles that everybody has, so what's the point of my hashing and rehashing it. Maybe there was some value there, maybe I brought a smidgen of originality to these same same tired troubles - and maybe it got some laughs.
But, again, maybe there's there's a level or realm of thought that is actually worth it.
These spiritual teachers and writers: They assure me that at all the creativity in the world is within my reach if I can just unfuck my head and stop all the thinkin and be open and aware and receptive and empty so that everything in the world will be in me and I'll be in everything. We'll see or we won't and we'll care or we won't and/but . . .the writer urge continues.