Tuesday

Some representatives from management were out in the next room discussing college football, and their excitement steadily escalated. Soon they were talking, raving, about their kids... and then they spoke of their own experiences in sports. They were talking about big hits and speed and feats of crazy strength...and terrible injury and altercation. I never reached a level these guys did, but their talking got me distracted...it got me thinking about intense moments from my ridiculous and punishing bush league/pickup whatever whatever sports games that I may or may not have already blogged about:

  • The time I smashed into a guy while playing rugby. I was sprinting straight at him, and we connected, and I heard a snap as my shoulder ploughed into his ribs. The first time I ever played rugby, like the first series of the first game, I got in a scrum or whatever and got churned up and spit to the ground on my face, and a guy stomped on my back with metal spikes as he ran away with the ball.


  • Playing pickup football on the quadrant, I came flying across this guy's path and lunged in for the tackle...he cut away at the very worst possible moment, trying to juke me, and I connected lower than intended, my shoulder impacted the side of his knee sending him into a somersault...and he hit the ground screaming.


  • This kid, Sean Garfield: he had the biggest head in all of highschool football. The coach had to specially order a helmet for him. He was Virginia benchpress state champion. Sean transferred to our highschool and went out for football after the season had already begun. The first day he came to practice, he hit me so hard, he lifted me off my feet, and I came down like a ballerina huffing ether, somehow still on my feet, but i was only on my feet long enough to take a few steps and fall down, and I sat up and saw birds chirping all around my field of vision just like a cartoon.


  • I got elbowed in the temple by a goalie while jumping for a ball in front of his goal. It was a concussion, and I was unconscious for thirty seconds. I woke up and started running back to where the flow of the game was, but I was offsides, and incurred a penalty.


  • A soccer game turned into a fight, but really it turned into a simple wrestling match, and I caught the guy in a front headlock, and let him wear himself out a few moments.


  • One time, after football practice, this kid grabbed me by the hair and kneed me in the face repeatedly. (We were fightin.)


  • I was playing rugby, and I had the ball, and I saw an inevitable terrible hit coming, from a guy nicknamed Iron Head. I was like, fuckit, this guy is going to dishrag me, so I just sprinted straight at him, out of curiousity. I aimed my shoulder right at the center of his gigantic body and picked up speed. People were yelling "Lunch him, Iron Head!" We collided hard. Neither of us fell. I kind of careened off of his chest and zoomed out of bounds slamming into the guys that were cheering for him.


  • One time our tight end was hauling ass, looking back for the quarterback to throw to him. There was a referee right in his path, and the ref was watching the quarterback too, I guess, or he couldn't get out of the way quick enough, and our tight end slammed right into him, in the center of his chest, and the ref had a heart attach right on the field.


  • Crazy ass shit. I'm glad that nowadays, the only real exercise I get, is going for walks.
  • 2 comments:

    laura b. said...

    Wow, those are some crazy, sympathy-pain-inducing stories! I have never been physically daring. Also, I'm uncoordinated. So...I have to live vicariously through the sportsmanship of others.

    Bobby said...

    I don't even have vicarious, thank goodness. Just my nice easy walks. Hopefully I don't get hit by a car.