Today I would have had to say a sad goodbye (I swear: my life is not complete sadness lately, ha!) But yes, I would have had to say goodbye to someone I have mixed (and intense) feelings about. So what did I do? I avoided it. I went home sick. This person became an angry second mom to me, kind of. I learned soooo much from the person, more than I could ever describe. The learnin came with a price though...or maybe the price was actually a different type of learnin...toughness training. Tough love or something. Deep down, I'm sure the person thinks I'm an idiot...and the person is right. I think the person might think I'm improving though...I hope they think that. I didn't always understand the harsh. I guess it serves a purpose. To a point. I've gotten a lot tougher and a lot thicker skin dealing with this person, I think. I have learned more from this person than I ever would have in stupid college courses, that's for goddam sure. The person had many many moments where it seemed like they cared a great deal about my wellbeing. The person has a free attitude with know-how...not at all insecure about telling what they know, because what they know is constantly growing. It's not the body of knowledge you'd have to gain to keep toe to toe with this person, it is the pace of learning. Anyway, I left when the person wasn't I didn't say or do something embarrassing (except that I did, sort of, anyway, to other people, when announcing that I was leaving)...but/plus...I'm feeling a little 'sick' or something. Again, it's not all sadness with me lately, just little fires here and there in the big big field, smoldering stuff. There's a lot that's terrific too! Really, there is no limit to the possibilities. If I had to calculate the possibilities or say it was a roll of the dice, it would be a roll of this many dice:

1 comment:

laura b. said...

If the person is how it seems like she might be, she was probably not at all surprised by how you handled her leave-taking.