Tuesday

A lot of this spiritual stuff seems like bullshit. Moreover, at times, it seems to lead to a drone-like state. It would lead to a drone-like state either because it's bullshit, or I can only reach a mediocre level of success at it, like in many of my endeavors. Halfway up the ladder of spirituality (which is where I'd likely end up) - halfway to spiritual is drone.

Yes, I've managed to alleviate a lot of the sad/mad stuff swirling in my head - or accept it. But, there is a 'but.' A big 'But' - with a capital 'B' and a big butt. It doesn't seem real or possible sometimes - to reach this hyped, maybe bogus, probably bogus state of bliss. 'Enlightenment' - the ultimate, the coveted, the black belt, the force, ...a lot of people say they're there. That it is where everybody needs to be.

Maybe I'll turn this blog into Bobby's Spirituality Myth Bustin Blog.

There are a zillion saucy and delicious and decadent and dramatic things I could tell ya about! Right here! Love, sex, family drama, interpersonal drama, strife, CRAVING, SUFFERING.

You know what else? There is so variation and disagreement among 'Spiritual Leaders' - how could any of them have it right? If they're all 'authorities,' and they all disagree on such fundamental stuff...how could you find any 'truth' in any of it? I'm supposed to pick what makes sense to me and piece together my own 'thing' and rock it like a rocket?

Well now: that's the challenge. That's the choice. Or, don't - don't even bother. Take it or leave it. Continue with your stories: Three heartbreaks since the big heartbreak, one of which I inflicted on somebody else. A spin-out! Interpersonal conflicts/mental games with the various. Occupational difficulty/despair. Wild parties. Not so wild parties. A dude sitting here right now in a holey undershirt wearing a cheapo bead necklace and jeans that are too big now. Old technology. Paychecks that race out of the gate. Really long drives. Really long walks. LUST. I ain't jokin, lust. I wish there was a pill. Lack of physical fitness. Signs of aging. Hilarity. The urge to write. The urge to write notes (STILL) and leave them where I think people will find them. Meeting new people. Meditation sessions. Throate Lock: Disrupting a meditation session with a massive fit of coughing and walking out. Tolerance. Distance.

Friday

Shrine on St. Simons Island GA



Whenever I make my trip to Virginia or North Carolina to see one of my sisters and their families, on my way back, I always try to find a nice beach that is close to i-95 and that has easy free parking. I found St. Simons Island, GA.

It was cold and windy out, but sunny. It was a weekday, some time in the late morning. There was barely a soul on the beach. It was heavenly.

As I walked on this beach, I came upon a tree. I don't know what kind of tree. Its leaves were gone, but it still stood very sturdy there in the wind. Some people had made it into a shrine for their friend. They had attached various items to the tree. Pictures, trinkets, ornaments - they had even attached a beer up there - I guess it was the beloved's favorite beer. It was so beautiful that they had done this. She must have been loved.

I'm not sure whether the tree was still alive or dead or if it had just shed its leaves for the winter or what. I don't know trees. I don't know what kind of tree it was, as I said. I didn't know this person, or for that matter, I don't think I know anybody who reside at this little beach town. I'm not sure whether the beloved lived around there or if it was her favorite spot. I'd never even heard of this place until I saw mention of it at a rest stop on i-95.It truly is a beautiful spot. It's a point, a jutting piece of beach with patches of vegetation and little dunes here and there. I stared intensely at the surface of the sand. Grains of sand tumbled, blown by the wind over ripples. I walked around a while with a blanket wrapped around me. I stared out at the ocean and watched waves come in.

Saturday

A few low-grade, no-sweat lows, but some super high highs!

I'm meeting great people at meditation sessions around town. There are a surprising number of them around here. Just show up. Sit down. Let the dude or the lady guide you into meditation. And hey: if your mind starts to wander, it's okay! Just bring it back to that magnificent nothing/everything.

Don't need to cite a source. Don't need to explain.