Tuesday

Dating sites won't work for me. I just don't look good on paper. They gotta experience the attitude.

"I'm Bobby, and I'm indifferent."

"See how I grab my grocery items without looking up, with great concentration on pricing and quantity."

"See how I order my drinks and do a spin move without breaking my rhythm."

"See how I read the crap that I gotta read at the bookstore."

The eyes don't stray because there's too much work today.

"You're safe from all flirting, my female friends!"

Saturday

  • It is so humid out, it's crazy.


  • Good sounding news on the work front.


  • More and more work on the work front.


  • Good sounding news on the work front.


  • I don't exercise much, but every little bit yields immediate energy increases, it seems like.


  • Still smokin, but it's taken a lot of weight off of me. If I can just make that leap from smoker to nonsmoking, excising fiend, I'll be doing something. But, who cares.


  • I was going to a UU church, but I slacked on that. By slacked, I mean, picked at work stuff a lot on Sundays lately. But, those UU folks are the nicest group of people I've ever been around. There aren't many people my age there, which shouldn't matter. I need to start going again. I always feel great for the whole week when I come out of there. Who cares if there's nobody my age.
  • Monday

    Random Thoughts List

  • Anxiety can shut down your ability to explore for a solution. Your brain locks up and feels forced to act or give up, "Oh my god, I have no idea how to do this, I'm just going to throw what I know at it and hope that it works."...instead of staying loose and letting your brains be limber and nimble...


  • Sometimes it is an attitude, instead of some amount of know-how, that can get you through a problem-solving situation. I don't mean a punk rock attitude where everybody can go blank blank. I mean an attitude like: I am going to keep exploring this thing, keep my mind moving from possibility to possibility, steadily gathering information - fitting pieces together - until...maybe there's not even an until




  • #######################################


  • How is that I have I never gotten into Yelp? It seems great. Maybe the spell will where off, but it seems like a super duper cool app. I have seen some good good entries on there. All kinds of writers are out there - roaming around, writing stuff about the places they've been to. They hit on each other too.




  • I know that foursquare is cool too, and I have an account, but I haven't gotten into it.




  • Twitter and blogger are still my favorites. They have been for a while. I can see staying on them for a long time. And youtube too.




  • I'm working kind of a lot and it is making me kind of boring...but not that hard and not that boring.




  • The funnest thing I did lately was kick a soccer ball with somebody in a parking lot of a dive bar after drinking beers and Jager Bombs...haven't drank like that in a long time.
  • Thursday

    List

  • Two people's decisions to evolve...while the decisions of the two people might be simultaneous, the decisions might take the two people in very different directions.


  • I'd unfollow myself and start over if it were possible. It sort of is. Sometimes you make abrupt turns, sometimes it's gradual.


  • I'm going with what I got here, but the limits are seeing more and more like illusions.


  • It's a mad hustle, it seems like everybody would agree with that.


  • Sometimes I'll make decisions - and even if I remember carefully deliberating - it seems like it was all just thinkin - and the decision seems to have come from elsewhere


  • I need to get back up north more...norther, anyway...I haven't really been that far north


  • My Florida consists of inside this apartment, and inside that workplace. I was going to a UU Church for a while, but... A lady at the church is a reporter, and she was covering the Zimmerman trial. I saw her on TV.


  • The trial was much talked about at work and always on the TV in the breakroom. I never had all the facts, but early on I formed a basic understanding: Wannabe tough guy shoots kid.Early on, I made a prediction: The Florida system would botch it.
  • Wednesday

    I've been thinking about this song a lot lately and playing it at work. I got the album when it first came out and listened to it on a big trip.

    Then She Did... by Jane's Addiction on Grooveshark

    Sunday

    Yesterday's Indicators...or...Synchs?

    Blasts at Buddhist Sites in East India Injure 2 - ABC News

    I was running around yesterday, running errands, and it seemed like I was seeing example after example of crude, hostile behavior. More than the usual. And I hate to complain...or...I like to say that I hate to complain, but I do complain, but I am truly trying not to complain so much anymore...but anyway, the examples of crudeness and hostility I saw aren't really worth mentioning, but the repeated witnessing of them yesterday was really making me feel crummy about my neighborhood and my world. I was in a kind of guarded, crummy mood before it was all over with yesterday. I tried to engage the thoughts that arose only as much as I had to in order to be able to let go of them: the judgements - the thinking that cropped up in my head after seeing these people act this way...some dude mad-dogging me hard at the barber shop...some dude throws his snot rag in my shopping cart...drunk lady screaming fuck fuck and motherfuck at the pool with little kids running around...guy driving his car through the parking lot at sixty or seventy miles-per-hour, slamming on brakes, pounding on somebody's door to the point where I thought he'd just forgo the knocking and kick the door in and kill everybody inside with his bare hands...I'm being dramatic, but it seemed like these displays were just one right after another. More than the usual. They had a cumulative affect on my brains. Yesterday the train wrecked in Montreal. Yesterday the plane crash landed in San Francisco. There weren't a lot of casualties yesterday, no more than a usual day of bombings and clashes at protests (with gang rapes at those protests), but there was enough crap going on that I even tweeted a couple of times for everybody to slooooow dowwn.

    And then I woke up and one of the first tweets I saw was about somebody setting off bombs at Buddhist sites. (Oh, and this Dharma center I go to sometimes put out a request for help to paint their building...which I ignored...opting instead to run my personal errands and catch up on work stuff...)

    After a preliminary attempt at processing it all (which is what human brains try to do) I gave up and chalked it up to: The world has gone mad. But I only stayed with that for a couple of minutes. I gave it one more quick shake and thought: The world hasn't gone mad, it's starting to lose it's madness, but there will still be instances and episodes of madness now and then as we come out of the total madness. These instances and episodes of madness will seem more shocking in relation to the peace we are we are entering. Yeah, that's it. And then I stopped all the thinkin. Except that I gave it a very last mental twitch and wondered if yesterday's events - my witnessing of them, were these some of those synchs that all the cool kids are talking about nowadays? I don't really care, and I hate to equate my petty grievances in my small life with explosions at religious sites, but I have to view the world from out my own window. I keep the world inside my window real chill, I mean, incense, ambient music, no harsh light, the world's most loving and tender cat, satsangs on the youtube, tree of life wall hanging - the works. It's sooo peaceful in my little apartment. When I step outside and get into that rush of drivers, shoppers and workers and players, it really rattles me, the contrast...the reflection of the bigger world reflected in small ways for my little peepers to see in my little world.

    Thursday

    I made it I guess.

    ...all those times when I wished I could just get through ______ blah blah...(whatever it was). I remember having that thought so often, "If I can just get through this next...few days...few weeks...months. Whatever the particular stressful time span or stressful thing was: the obstacle, the trouble, the deadline, the upcoming scary event, the whatever.

    I guess I got through. I'm sitting here typing about it. I'm not dead or dying. I'm not jobless or homeless. I guess I'm okay.

    I don't even remember very well what any of those things were that I hoped I would get through. They are sooooo past.

    Maybe I didn't get through. Maybe the damage was done. Maybe if I had gotten through whatever it was with a little more success, I'd have a 'better existence' right now. Who knows?